Essay writer’s name Kristina Afides Peer’s name Louis Moshe Leon
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
I might want to go see the movie
Good.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES *NO What do you see as that purpose?
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
People who saw this movie.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
People who liked plays which have been made into movies.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. This movie was based on a play and was not meant to be about the gore, but rather the story behind the gore
b. It is not meant to be about a man who kills people, but rather a man whose life has pushed him over the edge.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
Sweeney Todd will eventually become another movie that almost everyone has seen, and if perhaps I am wrong, it is only a shame.
Is the thesis specific enough? *YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 *YES NO Par. 5 *YES NO
Par. 2 *YES NO Par. 6 *YES NO
Par. 3 *YES NO Par. 7 *YES NO
Par. 4 *YES NO Par. 8 *YES NO
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes she has.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? *YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
None.
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
*YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here
c. Is the information understandable to you? *YES NO Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? *YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
On the analysis section.
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
No one.
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
No one.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
Movie and quotes from it.
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes they are.
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? *YES NO
b. Present the thesis? YES *NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? *YES NO
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? *YES NO
b Provide something new to think about? *YES NO
c. Round the essay off smoothly? *YES NO
d. Comments:
May 1, 2008 at 11:50 am
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name Kristina Afides Peer’s name Louis Moshe Leon
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
I might want to go see the movie
Good.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES *NO What do you see as that purpose?
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
People who saw this movie.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
People who liked plays which have been made into movies.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. This movie was based on a play and was not meant to be about the gore, but rather the story behind the gore
b. It is not meant to be about a man who kills people, but rather a man whose life has pushed him over the edge.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
Sweeney Todd will eventually become another movie that almost everyone has seen, and if perhaps I am wrong, it is only a shame.
Is the thesis specific enough? *YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 *YES NO Par. 5 *YES NO
Par. 2 *YES NO Par. 6 *YES NO
Par. 3 *YES NO Par. 7 *YES NO
Par. 4 *YES NO Par. 8 *YES NO
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes she has.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? *YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
None.
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
*YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here
c. Is the information understandable to you? *YES NO Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? *YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
On the analysis section.
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
No one.
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
No one.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
Movie and quotes from it.
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes they are.
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? *YES NO
b. Present the thesis? YES *NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? *YES NO
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? *YES NO
b Provide something new to think about? *YES NO
c. Round the essay off smoothly? *YES NO
d. Comments: